Susan’s Status
Last week we watched the film Brad’s Status and it hit me right where I live. I’ve been trying to make a plan with someone who was a friend of mine 25 years ago and who, it turns out, is just too famous to have lunch with me. We’ll call him Famous Poet.
There are a couple people I knew back then, in the 1990s, when it seemed like I would be let into the poetry world and find a place publishing occasional books of poems, teaching in a university. I made some decisions, the biggest of which was not to pursue a PhD in Creative Writing, the logical path to the university. I worked hard, spent so, so much money on submission fees, and placed many of the poems in my first book in magazines. I was often a finalist, even at some of the Really Big poetry contests. I spent ten years doing this, and was still told by my Famous Teacher friends that sometimes it just took awhile.
My experience with academia, meanwhile, was not so good. I did find my niche, in an excellent community college in California. I love community college students, especially the creative writers. They take risks, have life experience, and are kind to each other. I self-published that first book mostly because it was so done and I wanted to be able to get it into people’s hands. I moved on to writing the second. As time went on, the poetry world seemed more cruel than kind, and in 2005 I more or less dropped out.
In January, I saw that Famous Poet was coming to the college near my home. I would really like to see Famous Poet again and catch up on our lives. He is a kind person, super smart, very interesting. Even back in the day, we all knew he would be a star. We had some really good times together back in the day.
Tracking him down was not easy. Getting his email was nearly impossible. Local college didn’t help — they said they’d make sure I was on the list if there was a community lunch or something. I offered to host breakfast or do an airport run.
Finally, though, an email I asked to get forwarded to Famous Poet got to him. And he responded that he would like to make this happen. So he would tell his assistant to contact local college and see if it could be arranged.
It seems it can’t be arranged. My last email to local college, now that the event is a week away, went unanswered. Local college is no doubt spending a lot of money to have Famous Poet here. He is theirs. This is not the first time they have been super possessive of their poets. This kind of behavior is, however, a reason I dropped out.
Which gets me back to the movie. In it, the Ben Stiller character, Brad, takes his son to Boston for college visits. This triggers in him an evaluation of his life. How come his friends are so much more successful (famous and rich) than he is? It’s like an evil Big Chill situation. Over the course of the movie, his own success — his great wife and really great son and, let’s face it, middle class life doing something he’s passionate about — are revealed and the friends’ successes are compromised.
At this time, with a novel manuscript in hand and another being written, I’m in a strange place. What do I want for my work? What am I willing to do for what I want? Is it even possible at this point — given the state of the publishing industry, what I write, who I am and am not, and what I’m able to do?
I do know I’m grateful for my “status” as a community member, a wife, a grower of food, a friend, a prairie dweller, and, yes, a writer. Someone who writes. In many ways, I am exactly where I want to be. And if my friends want to find me, my email address is almost too accessible. And I’m always available for lunch.
